Star:	Bill Maher (Himself)
Guest Star:	Bob Graham (Guest),  Al Sharpton (Guest),  Aaron McGruder (Guest),  D.L. Hughley (Guest),  Bay Buchanan (Guest)

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Bill Maher: But, you know, I read an interesting thing about Liberia. It was founded by freed American slaves in the 19th century. And you'd think when they got back to Africa they would not have carried the same sort of baggage that they found in America. But they actually lorded it over the natives there. They were almost as bad to the natives in Africa as they had been treated in America. Which to me says that slavery is not about race but about power. (edit) D.L. Hughley: I think I finally understand our foreign policy. We will attack no country Halliburton Oil can't make money off of. That's the deal. (edit) Bill Maher: But Reverend, you know - you know what people are saying here, which is, we tried this in Africa before, in Somalia, and look what happened there. We didn't accomplish the mission and we lost troops. Why is it going to work in Liberia if it didn't in Somalia?

Al Sharpton: Well, I think, first of all, you have a situation here where all of the parties are asking us to come in. Second, it's not working not going in. You have people stacking dead bodies in front of the U.S. Embassy two days ago while we were in Ghana, begging for us to come in.

Third, we have responsibility in Liberia. Let's not forget the United States backed Samuel Kado [sp]. We made arrangements with Taylor. We have businesses that have used the rubber and the timber. We can't act like we don't have a reason to be involved. We use Liberia for a strategic base. So you can't help a country go down and then say we're not going to do anything to make it come up.

We have troops surrounding Liberia. We can take 500 of them, have them join the West African nations - not go ahead of them, join them as a peace-keeping force, to go in and make sure food and medical supplies come through. (edit) Bob Graham: Let me tell you as an example of what the lack of communication meant: in December of 1999, there was a summit - a summit of terrorists held in Malaysia. The CIA was aware of that. They covered it. They took pictures of the participants. They knew that two of those people at this summit were going to come to the United States. What they didn't do was tell anybody. They didn't tell the Immigration Service, so they could have been picked up at the airport in Los Angeles. They didn't tell the FBI so that they could have put surveillance on these people. So these two individuals came to the United States in January of 2000, and living under the cover and with the support of the unnamed foreign government, were able to hide themselves while they planned, practiced and finally executed one of the most horrific acts against the people of the United States in our history. (edit) Bill Maher: New Rule: Everyone has to stop pretending that Woody Allen movies don't completely suck. Now, I saw his latest efforts on cable last weekend. Hollywood stars must stop pretending that it's an honor to appear in this unwatchable, recycled tripe. Critics have to stop pretending that a tiny, old Jew could be scoring with Tea Leoni and Helen Hunt. Somebody contact wardrobe. The emperor has no clothes.

New Rule: Pat Robertson is insane. Just because he smiles and wears a nice suit doesn't mean he's any less of a wack-job than all those wild-eyed, urine-stained nutbags who babble on street corners about Jesus through a bullhorn. And he's getting desperate, because after you've agreed that the purple Teletubby is gay, where do you go? It's like Madonna. When she needs attention, she has to keep upping the ante. In a year or two, she'll have nothing left to do but "anal," and by then, no one will care except Pat Robertson.

New Rule: Get the Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore breakup over now! Why wait until it happens? I already don't give a shit! Let's just pretend - let's just pretend we've already printed those issues of US weekly, and people have read them and thrown them away. And while we're at it, let's also pretend we've already heard Joe Lieberman drop out.

And finally, New Rule: No do-overs. Once you elect an official, unless he runs off with public funds or gets caught with kiddie-porn, you're stuck with him. He's the governor, not some dude you married in Las Vegas.

Now, what is going on here in California, if you're lucky enough not to have been following this, is that the economy turned, so we're getting rid of the governor. But what if we drive him out of office and the economy still doesn't get better? I guess we'll have to burn him. And if that doesn't work, we'll kill his dog.

Yes, in baseball, when the team stinks, you fire the manager. But you don't fire him because it rains. And you don't fire him between innings and replace him with a Viennese weightlifter.

Here's why the economy turned. The dot-com bubble burst. Obviously on the orders of Gray Davis. The airline industry collapsed. Just as Gray Davis planned. We fought two wars overseas, playing right into Gray Davis' hands.

And Dick Cheney's friends at Enron gamed the energy market and ripped the state off for billions. So you can see the problem: Gray Davis. And the obvious solution? A Viennese weightlifter. Yes, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Finally a candidate who can explain the administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German.

Not that I'm saying I love Gray Davis. Being enthusiastic about Gray Davis would be like saying your favorite food is straw.

But he fought for his country in Vietnam and won a fair election. And he's entitled to his term. Maybe he's a crappy governor, but he was the one elected by voters who bothered to show up at the polls. Their efforts should not be undone by disgruntled shoppers signing a petition on their way out of Target.

Look, there's still a lot of Democrats with sour grapes over the last presidential election. But they're not collecting petitions to replace George Bush with Bernie Mac! So while we're trying to export representative democracy to Baghdad, it's time we started believing it in Brentwood. Because that -[mock choking up]-my fellow Americans, is what Jessica Lynch was fighting for!! (edit)

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Bill Maher's reference to a Woody Allen film (in new rules) could be either Curse of the Jade Scorpion (co-starring Helen Hunt) or Hollywood Ending (with Tea Leoni.) (edit)